Tuesday, 6 January 2015

My not so great 2014 story

Hey guys! Last year I did a post with pictures and whatnot all about my 2013 and what I got up to and a brief overview of my year. Unfortunately, this year on a whole wasn't really great for me and so I wasn't sure I wanted to do a big post on it because it's always hard to revisit things that didn't go so great. While I did have some lovely moments, I just felt like for me the year was really hard and struggled to get through it sometimes. Basically at the begging of the year I was diagnosed with something, nothing life threatening don't worry I'm not dying! But nevertheless it is a chronic illness that effected my life and mental stability a lot and I found it difficult to cope with the new things that I had to do. This is the first time I've talked about it on here and not many people know and I don't feel comfortable talking about what it is just yet. However, as a result of this it unfortunately really knocked me back quite a few paces and because it's something that effects my everyday life, I have got a lot of anxiety now which I didn't have before this year. I've always been an anxious person but now having to cope with this too, knocked my mental stability out of wack and means that I have to really cope with depressive tendencies and specific anxiety, purely just surrounding this illness. Within that side of things, my year was not great but I am superly trying to get better, I'm eating much more in comparison to the beginning of the year which is a start at least and I am trying not to let it get down on me so much. What it has meant however is that some big social things and being around people that aren't my family or close friends and who don't understand how much this effects what I do really really frightens me, to the point where I can't do them and so while university looms on the horizan I am getting more and more scared. Not so much things like parties or short term things or going to school or talking or socialising to people, they're all fine they're not big issues. But situations where I'm going to have to eat or do unknown things really freak me out. 

However, I realise this is not my usual happy uplifting post but I needed to get it off my chest. It's been around about a year now since by 100 or so doctors trips and diagnosis and I am really determined to get better. While I'll always have to take certain precautions I am so determined to not let this interfere and get in the way of my life any more, I do not want to let it upset me but to fight through it and continue my life as normal. While some things are going to scare me and I won't be able to do just yet, and I really am going to have to take things slowly, one day I am driven that one day I will despite this and I will improve and get better and cope with this and live my life normally and smoothly. 

Lots of Love 
Eleanor x

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